I forgot

As long as we are talking about forgetfulness, one thing you need to be successful in Direct Sales is a good memory. Ok, maybe that isn't true. What you have to have are some really good tricks and ways to improvise when the inevitable happens... the forgetful moment.

As I outed myself earlier (and as I outed a few things that have happened to friends of mine...) what is crucial in the forgetful process is the recovery. Like in the example of going to a demonstration and forgetting your entire bag of catalogs. If you can get your hands on even ONE book, you can pass it around and give everyone paper to write down their orders on. If you forget your products, you can make some calls and see if guests can bring some of their own, or see if you can borrow from the host. But remembering names can sometimes throw you. Have you ever had an encounter with someone that YOU know, but does not remember you? And sometimes they handle it well, and say graciously, "I'm sorry, I have forgotten your name." And other times they say something awkward like "And you are???"   Don't you feel bad? I always feel awkward and "forgettable" when that happens.

Now we all can't own a button like my husband's that says "HI, I can't remember your name either!" (He wears this primarily at reunions.)  Instead a one word generic phrase usually works until you can find some context clues. Here are a few commonly used, "Buddy", "Pal", "Dude", "Sweetie", "Honey" or "Hun", my word of choice is "Friend". Now as a disclaimer, I call most people that I know and like "Friend" even when I do know their name. And that is why it really works for me.


So one day I was standing at the name tag table at a fundraiser and someone I recognized came up and was holding a baby. She says to me "KATHY!!! HOW ARE YOU!!???" And greets me with the most warm hug. I say "friend, it is so great to see you! Your baby is getting so big!" (my brain has completely malfunctioned) I can not think of her name, but my first bluff has gone by with out a hitch! (The baby was hers!).  So then she chats it up with me, asks a few thoughtful questions and then realizes there is a line gathering and she needs to move along. So she says to me "do you mind filling out the name tag for me - my hands are full!"   And thinking myself so clever... I say "would you spell your name for me?" And she looks at me with a "you dummy" look... "K-I-M    J-O-N-E-S."   Busted.

Dumb Question?

Call it what you want, we all have asked them, and we all have heard them. Sometimes we can blame it on inexperience, or a "brain fart" ... and some of them we just have a good laugh over.Here are a few, let's call them "Silly" questions that struck me funny:

We have a $1 recipe book that I call the "dollar cookbook". And people ask me all the time "how much is that "dollar cookbook?" 
I had someone call me and say, "I'm in the cake mix aisle at the store, but I can't find any CUPCAKE mixes. Where are they located?"
"I bought a cutting board, and it's getting CUT MARKS in it when i use it, is it defective?"
"How do you pre-heat the oven?" (ok, she was 12)


Dumb questions are often funny, but dumb acts can sometimes really throw you for a loop!   Most of the "dumb acts" that happen to me or my team tend to be more forgetfulness or inexperience.  Alright, a lot of these are mine... and you already know some of them...


Chopping your avocado with a food chopper and not knowing there is a pit in the middle.
Chopping the peel of your onion and adding it to your recipe.
Putting our plastic microwave pot on the burner and turning on a flame at a party! It's plastic!
Putting a Stainless Bowl with silicone on the bottom on the open flame burner. Melted silicone makes a terrible mess!
Going to a party and forgetting to bring your tools.
Going to a party and forgetting to bring your catalogs.
Going to a party and forgetting to bring the address of where you are going.

If you want to be successful in direct sales one of the top skills you must have is being able to improvise, especially if you (or your hosts) are forgetful.

Forget your tools? Who and where can you borrow some from?
Forget your books? Where can you find even ONE book everyone can share!
Forget the ingredients (or host buys the wrong ones)? Find a recipe that you can make that you HAVE the right ingredients for.

Forget your prizes, think of something else you can give away -like free shipping, or candy from your purse.

Forget the address? Hope that you didn't forget your phone.
Forget your phone? Stop by a cell phone store.
Forget your brain? Just fake it.

Sexy Can Opener

I know what you are thinking, "oh really? How exactly can a can opener be sexy?" Well, I have to laugh because I didn't realize it at first either!. I think it all started with the Everyone Loves Raymond episode about the misunderstood can opener. Everyone Loves Raymond Can Opener.    We added a new smooth-edge can opener to the line and it was HUGELY misunderstood. No one seemed to be able to understand the concept that this can opener is not put on the side of the can.

Some of the consultants were really struggling with how to explain how to use it. We would often get calls asking us for help. So, I was at one of our meetings and I was asked to give my can opener explanation. And it goes like this:   "First you take the can opener and put it in the horizontal position. Then you open up the legs of the can opener and bump it up to the can. Once you are touching the can, you close the legs and slowly turn the handle and go all the way around. You will feel a slight release of pressure. Then you take the can opener, and using the small wrench on the side, you take the top right off. And you are finished!"   I had NO idea any of this sounded risque until my Director said "No WONDER you are selling a ton of can openers - wow!" And something sort of clicked in my head of OHHH.... Not one person had giggled, ever,  when I had said it that way. YET. 

So after that point, I could never say it with the same innocence. As soon as I would start "and you put the can opener in the horizontal position." I would start to smirk. And so it went. At almost every show that I used the can opener I would get anywhere from embarrassed giggles to uproarious laughter. Mostly being ladies in the crowd, we would sometimes get almost a "Bachelorette Party" moment. I had learned how to read the crowd - the moment I would say "put the can opener in the horizontal position," I would then look up and see if anyone had picked up on it... or I would start with "this might sound a little risque..."  Anyway, it worked for me. It was just a funny moment. I could tell when to play it straight and when to crank it up. I had shared this funny way of explaining the can opener to my team of consultants and even at a Conference word had spread and we would laugh and I would share it. All somewhat innocent fun.

But unfortunately there were casualties. One of my new consultants started in on the "sexed up" can opener and she went a little overboard. I believe she may have even added a hip-grinding motion and she referred to the can opener as "HER".   So it sounded a little more like "when you bump HER up to the can (insert hip grinding motion...)"   Sadly this crowd was a VERY religious group and the hostess was mortified. She apparently sent my poor new consultant a nasty note the next day. The host was so upset she wrote apology letters to every guest. Yikes. I don' t know what to say. I guess you really have to know your audience when you sex-up the products.

Betty Crocker

Some people think that being a good cook is a skill you have to be born with. I completely disagree. Let me tell you a little story about my friend Amy. I always say Amy grew up in my backyard. Technically we just lived in a subdivision where our houses backed up to each other. And Amy likes to say that we have known each other so long that I pushed her down when she was learning to walk. I was 10 months old at the time, when will she get over this? 

Amy is an amazing artist and she loved the idea of creating things. One day when her mother left for an errand, she decided to bake something. I think we were twelve years old at the time. I always knew what she was up to because she would call me and say, "This is Betty Crocker calling..."  This particular afternoon she called me and told me that she needed my help immediately because the cupcakes BLEW UP in the oven, and she had not been given permission to bake!  "Baking Powder and Powdered Sugar -what is the difference?" "When it says "pre-heat the oven" what does that mean?"

Still, Amy kept on baking whenever she got the opportunity. Now she has a family of 6 and has become one of the best bakers and cooks that I know. She LOVES to create things and she just dropped off homemade muffins, cookies and a quiche that is to die for... all this with a newborn baby at home. What a great friend. And wow, Amy, you have come a long way.

My theory is that there are three types of people who "don't cook". If I've missed a category, let me know!

#1 People who don't have the skill. They were never trained properly. They were either at swim team, gymnastics, baseball or chess club when back in the day they would have been cooking at home with mom and grandma.

#2 People who don't have the right tools. You probably aren't roasting a chicken or making a cheesecake if you don't have a roasting or springform pan. 

#3 People who don't have the time/energy. Cooking can take some creative thought processes and when you don't plan ahead, you often go for the drive-thru or the frozen pizza. 

If you fit into any of these three categories, we need to talk. I can't tell you how many people have gone from "don't cook" to "Betty Crocker" with a little help with skills, the right tools and tips.

Spreading like wild fire

About six months into my business, I had finally convinced my sister Mary to host a show for me. Mary had never been interested in hosting a home show before and definitely was doing this as as favor to me. She did not want to mix her crowds of people - she had teacher friends, neighbors, old friends etc. So she wanted me to do two shows in one day. As I was still in the Pleasing Stage, I, of course agreed. We chose a recipe that we were all drooling over - it was a brownie pizza with chocolate and peanut butter cups. I had never made it before, but it looked really easy. (Are you starting to get nervous yet?). The brownie "crust" you make with a box mix and you omit the water (or add flour to the batter to thicken it) and spread it on to a parchment lined round baking stone. I started the recipe in the family room on a card table and then handed her the raw brownie - ready to pop in the oven. I had made one mistake though, I had added the water but did not add the extra flour. Within minutes, the brownie batter poured off the baking stone and was on FIRE on the bottom of her oven. So as my sisters closed the kitchen door and madly opened all the windows in the back half of the house,  handling the fire... I continued on with my demonstration, unknowingly.

Karen had slipped back in to the family room to discreetly tell me what happened. They scraped off the batter that was still on the stone, added some flour to thicken it and gave it another run. Luckily they saved my butt and by the second show, I did the recipe correctly!  We laughed, and about 8 hours later, I actually had decent sales and a couple of bookings that I am still getting shows from 15 years+ later. Thanks sisters!

The Pleasing Stage

If you hadn't figured out from the mayo and onion story,  my experience with cooking was pretty limited when I began my Cooking show business.  I loved to bake, and I had mastered mixes, hamburger helper, mac and cheese and just about any type of pasta. But one of my weaker areas was Mexican cuisine. You might wonder why I would agree to make guacamole at a show when I had never worked with an avocado before? I like to call this the pleasing stage of my business. I was so happy that someone booked a show that I was willing to make whatever they wanted me to make. It was sometime later when I realized that the consultant should minimally steer the host as to a recipe that makes a good demonstration and/or one that the consultant is skilled in making. Quite a concept, eh?

So I'm at a show and the hostess hands me the ingredients for a homemade guacamole... I very confidently held the rock-hard avocado in my hand without dismay.  That was because I did not know what a ripe avocado felt like, and neither did my host.  I grabbed my vegetable peeler and did my best to peel this slimy mess. And it was a mess, but not as messy as you would have thought! It was completely unripe and hard.  I took my fabulous chopper to it and to my surprise, found a gigantic PIT in the middle. Once I dug out the pit, I resumed chopping the avocado only to find out that it was so unripe that it did not mix with the ingredients at all. By this point, someone had come forward and suggested it might not be ripe enough ... but the funny thing was that most of the crowd were as clueless as I was. I remember people staring at the avocado like it was a gift from an alien. The black peel, the green color, the giant pit! Now when I mixed all the ingredients together, I have to admit this was the worst tasting guacamole ever made. But I think because only one or two in the crowd had ever had it, no one seemed to know better. To my surprise, I again sold a lot of choppers, many vegetable peelers and I even got a booking.

Mayo and Onions

By my introduction, you would never suspect that I could have been successful in this new business. But the next couple of shows had many people and better yet, bookings!  And I really branched out.  The business doesn't go far with just the relatives. My girl friend's show had 4 bookings and they were all people I had never met before. I did shows up in Elgin, in Montgomery and one booking landed me in Chicago. These opportunities helped to spread my business, as well as give me some much needed cooking experience! 

One of my next shows, was a crowd where I didn't know anyone... a booking from a booking!  A true opportunity to branch out. Juanita was my hostess and she picked a recipe that I had not made before. (This is not a smart idea for a new consultant.) One of the ingredients was onions. Believe it or not, I had never cut up an onion in my life. I would never touch onions or mushrooms - I hated them both. So I started cutting up this onion and I was so proud when I told the crowd... "our chopper is so great and sharp you can cut up the peel as well!"  I literally threw most of the peel into the dish - and the look on their faces was priceless. I soon learned that the bitterness of the peel does not enhance your dish...  I did sell a ton of choppers that day though.

At the same show I had put a hot baking stone on a trivet on the kitchen table. And after the show, the host said "your stone left a ring on my table!".  I wasn't worried at all, I had heard you can get a moisture mark out of a wood table by spreading mayo on it.  Apparently mayonnaise is not a condiment of choice in Hispanic homes, so when I suggested this idea, I got the same "onion peel look."  I went to the store, bought some mayo and brought it back after the show.  I proceeded to spread it all over the mark and rub it in for about 20 minutes. There was one problem. This was not a wood table. It was a plastic table.  I believe it is called plood, a wood look, but plastic material!  

Why it took me that long to figure out, I don't know - but the good news was that our company insures us,  so I gave up and called the insurance line and they took care of it for me.  Sadly though, 0 Bookings, but wow did I learn a lot that day!

Aunt Helen

So Aunt Helen, my mom's sister, was gracious enough to host my second party. She lived about an hour away and I really thought this would be a fantastic way to branch out . I have a ton of cousins and many had established homes. But like my mom, I really don't think my Aunt had ever hosted a direct sales party in her life.

I arrived and soon later, the house was packed! I felt like this show had some real possibilities!  I had selected a recipe that used a ton of my tools and I was so proud of successfully coaching her on inviting a good amount of people. I went into the kitchen to get the ingredients ready for the party. And I discovered that Aunt Helen had bought everything I had asked for already chopped, sliced and processed! All I had to do was mix and heat it up. The cheese was grated, the vegetables were even chopped, the meat cooked and sliced. The problem was that my job was to make this recipe in front of everyone showing off the tools I was selling.  Cheese grater, Choppers, Knives, Cutting Boards... I had few skills, and even less to show now,  and I felt my fate was sealed when Aunt Helen announced to the crowd, "Why would anyone EVER buy ingredients any other way - when they come already done?!" The guests (my cousins) were all very kind, and I had some token sales.  Example of poor host coaching #2.  and 0 Bookings, 0 Recruits ...

Aunt Helen passed away a few years ago.  She was a wonderful, generous and sweet woman. We miss her so much. 

List of 4

The first joke here is that in our industry your first "shows" come from your friends, family and colleagues and we make up a list of 100. My list was of 4. I did not have a deep lineup. My Mom, My Aunt, and two girl friends. I think everyone in my family and friend circle was skeptical of this new venture of mine. This was not something we ever really did. I had been a guest at a couple candle parties, and maybe a Tupperware party, but I don't have any memory of my mom hosting a direct seller/home show of that nature in my lifetime. I'm pretty sure the first show she hosted was mine.

I had given Mom the host packet with invitations and extra catalogs. I called her the day before and asked her how many people we might be expecting and she said that ALL of the people that she invited were coming. She didn't invite too many - only about 20! So excitedly I packed and prepared for the BIG SHOW. I arrived early and got set up... and we waited. Luckily all of my sisters arrived... (2 of them lived there, they were ages 12 and 14)   Oh ya, My Grandma was there. And I have a vague memory of one neighbor also arriving. And there it was, the party of about 2 buying guests.  I asked Mom, "did the guests call you and tell you they were coming?" and she said "No, I thought they were coming because they did not decline."   The optimist in it's true form. This is what we say in the business is an example of POOR host coaching. This was a great practice show but the worst thing about this party (other than the sales) was that my family heckled me during my demonstration! I made a dessert and one sister said "why didn't you show the garlic press?" And they interrupted me constantly! Good thing I'm not sensitive. 0 Bookings. 0 Recruit leads

And so the story begins ... a kitchen consultant was born.

I had picked up a few hours working the front desk at the park district.  One day, a co-worker handed me a post card invite to a Cooking Show that she was hosting. I had a vague memory of my girl friend Amy saying "if you ever get invited to one of those, go, because they have GREAT food!" So I called up my friend and invited her to go with me.  We loved what we bought and Amy and I later decided to host our own party together. The consultant watched me as I stared with my mouth wide open the whole party -  I wanted everything!  When she told me that she thought I would make a good consultant, I was very flattered, but there was no way I could add another job! Four odd jobs and a small baby were enough.

Six months went by when Consultant Jeanette sent me a newsletter in the mail and said she would love to talk to me more about starting. With Christmas on the way, and still no money in the bank, I talked to my husband about this opportunity and he said what every woman wants to hear "if that would make you happy, give it a try!"

The History

"Tales from the Kitchen" was born when my good friend JSP was sitting in my kitchen and we were sharing the funny stories about our Direct Selling Businesses. We both have been in Direct Sales for near 16 years, and you better believe there are some great stories. I just hit a milestone of 1600 "parties" in my company and just can't keep this funny stuff to myself any longer.

And so the story begins...
Alright, I better give you a little bit of history behind present day Direct Seller. Very few people have written on their Kindergarten paper Graduation hat that they want to be involved in "Direct Sales" as their future career. I went away to college to become a Journalist. I fancied myself reading the news in front of millions ... but soon found out that Journalism majors are news JUNKIES. They live, sleep, breathe and eat the news all day, every day. And I shared no passion for this in any way or form. I was perfectly content reading the sale ads and an occasional good book. So in a mad dash my Junior Year of college I searched frantically for a major that I could accomplish within the 4 year parameter that had been expected of me. (Even if that was only in my mind). Quite coincidentally ALL elective classes that I had taken were English classes. They were always my favorite. So as I approached my Senior Year, my guidance counselor mentioned to me that should I be up to taking 5 x 400 level English classes I could graduate on time with a BA in English... So there it was. 40 novels later... by the skin of my teeth... I left the University of Missouri with a BA.

Home bound to the Chicagoland Area with a BA in English did not exactly prepare me for entering the work force. My Dad insisted I move home to save some money and he was certain he could get me a job at the bank that he worked for until I knew what I wanted to do.  So my banking career started. I took a job at River Valley Savings Bank in Lombard, IL and earned a big fat $15,000 a year salary! Almost enough for a new wardrobe! Good thing I lived at home and didn't have to buy food! I worked my way around that bank and was involved in the Mortgage servicing area. I held many various positions and graduated to Loan Officer by the end of year two. The Loan Officer job was my dream job. I was certain (similar to the Journalism fantasy) that THIS was going to be something I was good at! I loved talking to people, and I was certain that meeting people and taking applications was going to be a CAKE job. However, similar to the Journalism gig, I soon realized that Loan Officers often had one thing in common - a financial background of some sort and a passion for it. They often talked with Realtors about rates, financial docs, credit etc. And I had one major flaw. I never even had a mortgage myself! Maybe some training would have helped? Maybe once I matured, got a mortgage of my own, took a class? I don't know, I never got a chance to find out. My bank was soon bought out and I was given notice (I was the weakest link).

At this time, many other things were also going on. I had met the love of my life, Matt. We married SHORTLY later and baby #1 was on the way. So my career as a loan officer ended near the same time as my son Jake's birth. Since I had a newborn at home and only about 2 loans under my belt from my Loan Officer career... I did not pursue another career in that.

I started looking desperately for a part-time job. I did not want to put my baby in day care.  The jobs I found paid LESS than my River Valley days. I took the minutes for the Aurora Art Commission twice a month. I taught a class at the park district. I worked at the local card store. The problem was that I had to work for a month of Sundays just to make a hundred dollars.  I soon added "Director of Admissions" for my high school to my pile of name tags, another part time job. But none of these seemed to fit, financially or my personality.  Little did I know that around the corner I would be spreading cream cheese on a crescent roll, making some great cash... and putting out a few fires, figuratively and literally!